Flirting with Props, Part 1: the Handkerchief
Are you familiar with The Language of Flowers, Kate Greenaway’s delightful little 1884 volume of flowers and their symbolism? Well, flowers weren’t the only item that could be used to send secret messages. According to Secrets of Life Revealed by Daniel R. Shafer, published in Baltimore in 1877, such mundane items as handkerchiefs, gloves, parasols, and fans could be used to telegraph messages just as flowers could…and in fact, Mr. Shafer seems to have derived his list from one that appeared ten years earlier in Journal of the Telegraph, published by the Western Union Telegraph Company.
I have no idea how widespread this knowledge really was among 19th century misses, but I thought it might amuse you. Mr. Shafer writes:
The handkerchief, among lovers, is used in a different manner than its legitimate purpose. The most delicate hints can be given without danger of misunderstanding, and in “flirtations” it becomes a very useful instrument. It is in fact superior to the deaf and dumb alphabet, as the notice of bystanders is not attracted. The following rules are the law on the subject:
Drawing it across the lips: Desiring an acquaintance
Drawing it across the cheek: I love you
Drawing it across the forehead: Look, we are watched
Drawing it through the hands: I hate you
Dropping it: We will be friends
Folding it: I wish to speak with you
Letting it rest on the right cheek: Yes
Letting it rest on the left cheek: No
Letting it remain on the eyes: You are so cruel
Opposite corners in both hands: Do wait for me
Over the shoulder: Follow me
Placing it over the right ear: How you have changed
Putting it in the pocket: No more love at present
Taking it by the center: You are most too willing
Twisting it in the left hand: I wish to be rid of you
Twisting it in the right hand: I love another
Winding it around the forefinger: I am engaged
Winding it around the third finger: I am married
Hmm. I tried to picture just how one placed one’s handkerchief over one’s right ear without looking totally silly, and can’t help thinking a whispered comment in passing might do the trick just as well…but this is, after all, the age of disposable tissues and maybe a flirtatious young lady of the 19th century could carry it off. The jury’s still out on that one…
Next time I’ll tell you how to flirt with gloves.
2 thoughts on “Flirting with Props, Part 1: the Handkerchief”
Since everything one could do with a handkerchief except blowing one’s nose in it appears to mean something, I wonder how one went about discreetly wiping the sweat off and putting away the kerchief without giving anyone a false idea of messages being passed?
Exactly. And imagine how silly one would look “placing it over the right ear”. I can’t vouch for how well known any of these were, if at all. But they are amusing to think about.