A Meerkat Rants: Seriously, this is why we need better sex ed.

Okay folks, buckle in, because this one’s not only NSFW, it’s not safe for the squeamish, or those who think bodies are best touched in the dark and under covers and god forbid you actually take a close look at anything….

But I have to rant because once again I have encountered an individual who thinks that inserting a tampon is an act with sexual overtones or gratification.

Oh my god, honey, no.

Now, I’m not going to say that there’s nobody for whom this might be true. The human soul is infinite and diverse and kinks ain’t nobody’s business unless invited. But, as a general and physiologically sound rule: no. We get no sexual pleasure out of inserting a tampon.

For one thing, a tampon? Is slender. Even the “super” size ones are slender. Really. Look at your index finger. That’s about it. And no, it doesn’t hit our G-spot. For another, honestly, once the cervical fluid (aka “menstrual blood”) starts to flow, things get slippery enough there that more friction is called for, not less. Create a tampon that vibrates, and you might have something. Until then, no.

Third: we insert a tampon, and there it sits, doing its job. It doesn’t shift or slide (if it does, it’s not doing its job). So there’s no real stimulation happening. Yeah, sorry boys: just sticking something in there isn’t enough.

And for a fourth? Look, I don’t want to sell that “every woman having her period is a raving bitch” thing, because it’s not true. However, for many of us, we’re dealing with – at a minimum – a low-level stomach cramp. And for some, out-and-out pain of the “medicate me and give me a heating pad and GTFO” level. We’re not having a good time. Except for hardcore masochists, that is not the recipe for peak sexual arousal.

And five: for many-though-not-all women, our sex drive flares and then drops during this part of the cycle.  (the levels of estrogen and progesterone in our bodies has a studied influence on sexual desire.)

Shorter version: A tampon is more likely to cause discomfort (because the tissue there is unhappy-sensitive) than pleasure.

All that said, however, my research indicates that it CAN be used as a sex toy for guys, as once it expands and is manipulated, you’re stimulating your prostate. Basically, it’s a disposable butt plug.

So quit your snickering and just pick up the damn box from the store, will ya?

(if you want some laughter with your sex talk, I highly recommend reading “Savage Love.”  Whatever you may think of Dan Savage personally, he’s funnier’n fuck.)

Link of usefulness:  https://www.teenvogue.com/story/vagina-anatomy-diagrams


About Laura Anne Gilman

Laura Anne is a recovering editor-turned-novelist, with an Endeavor Award, a Nebula nomination, another Endeavor award nomination and a Washington State Book Award nomination under her belt. Her most recent series is the award-winning "Devil's West" trilogy, starting with SILVER ON THE ROAD, and her same-universe story collection, WEST WINDS' FOOL, AND OTHER STORIES OF THE DEVIL'S WEST. The novella GABRIEL'S ROAD was published by Book View Cafe on April 30th, 2019. Her Patreon, featuring original fiction, writing advice, and original Rants, is at https://www.patreon.com/LAGilman Learn more at www.lauraannegilman.net, where you can sign up for her quarterly newsletter.


A Meerkat Rants: Seriously, this is why we need better sex ed. — 2 Comments

  1. Because they tell you to read the magazine before submitting, some years ago I opened a random issue of PLAYBOY and read the single short story on offer. The hero observed a woman buying the giant economy size of Super Tampax and immediately concluded that she had a stupendous vagina, worthy of his attention. The rest of the story involved his seducing her, but I quit before that point. It was shatteringly clear that the writers did no research whatsoever and didn’t know what they were talking about. Never submitted work to PLAYBOY even though they were paying quite a lot.