So Much Winning

So Much Winning

Flash Fiction

Vonda N. McIntyre

I’m being investigated for colluding in the destruction of my own country — so unfair!

I plan to let the investigation go on. I want it unimpeded. I want it to be a distraction. I can keep doing what I’m actually doing without anybody noticing, especially the FAKE MEDIA. I have a jackhammer that is SO BEAUTIFUL, so DESTRUCTIVE. I LOVE to run it. I have my minions to yammer about donor payoffs tax cuts TAX CUTS TAX CUTS, while I get to work away in the background destroying everything they say they care about.

I could care less if the investigation goes on, the longer the better.

I’ll be found blameless. I can sneer at them. I can keep on running my jackhammer.

I can’t imagine they’d indict me. I can’t imagine that FAKE NEWS and the LEFT WING MEDIA would be able to con them into it.

I’ll resign if they do, and see how they like that! I’ll have destroyed almost as much as I’m supposed to, by then.

I’ll never be impeached. I’ll escape it all. I’m better, cleverer, smarterer, than Clinton or Nixon.

I can sneer even harder at the investigators. I have a toadie 2nd-in-command who will pardon me and applaud me when he does it. I know this for sure. I have the best people to write his speech. I’ll gift him my jackhammer as soon as he reads it.

I kind of hope I do get to resign, the sooner the better. I’d be relieved of all this hard work I’m doing. I’m tired! I’m bored! The Queen doesn’t like me! I don’t have enough time to play golf.

I’d sneer even more at their FAKE accusations. I’d be loved even more by the people who are loyal to me. I’d be able to retire to San Clemente. I’d have all the monies. I bet there’s a big beautiful golf course nearby. I wonder, where is San Clemente, anyway? I don’t care. I’ll launder money persuade investors to build a BIG BEAUTIFUL new golf course if there isn’t one already.

I think, now that I think about it, I’d rather retire to San Juan, Puerto Rico, since my country and that country haven’t got extradition. I’m pretty sure that’s right. I’m always right, everybody says so. I can be sure it has power and water before I go there. I can make most of the people run away so it will be secluded and private. I’ll have a whole island to myself. I’ll make my generals seal the border — I’ll make them build a WALL — with just enough people inside to build and staff my New! Beautiful! Shiny! Gold! Country Club!

I’ll pay them a subsistence wage, or maybe less. I’ll let them work for me for free if they ask nicely.

I think it will be win, win, all around, for everybody, at least for me.

I will have SO MUCH WINNING.

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Comments

So Much Winning — 8 Comments

  1. And best of all, everybody will talk about nothing but MEEEEE forever and ever, until the last light is extinguished in the nuclear holocaust that I started because it’s so much more fun than a video game!

  2. I can’t find a good illo for this for Facebook, because . . . too much truth.

  3. All too believable, because it’s all true! Good not to use his name or photo; that just fuels his ego even more. Heaven help us all….