Now the Internet is losing its shit over a screening of Wonder Woman:
Short version is, a movie theater company arranged a women-only screening of WONDER WOMAN. In certain quarters of the Internet (you know the parts I mean), this was met with howls. Clutch your balls, gentlemen! The wimmins have become sexist! How dare they!
Shut your trump-holes.
Let’s look at what’s really going on, shall we?
First, the guys howling sexism aren’t really worried about sexism. They’re being small children. For thousands of years, men have had power over women, and we’re now in a society that is trying (and usually failing) to right this wrong. Certain men, the ones who have only half a scrotum among them, are afraid of this. So they meet every positive change with a demand for an equal-and-ridiculous sexist change. “Women have demanded equal access to men’s spaces such as men’s clubs and men’s board rooms and men’s jobs, but now they want a special women-only place? THAT’S NOT EQUAL! THAT’S HYPOCRISY!” And they leap around clutching their balls because they’re afraid someone is going to cut them off. This can’t actually happen–you can’t cut off what doesn’t exist.
At any rate, the WONDER WOMAN screening is a party, and a party is allowed to have a limited guest list. Tell you what, ball-clutchers–when all of you demand to be included in baby showers, bridal showers, and strip clubs where men bare all, I’ll believe your whimpering about WONDER WOMAN. Until then, it’s plain your protests are as fake as your wife’s orgasms.
Second, if you’re really and truly upset about a special screening for just women, then arrange a special screening for just men. Go for it! Nothing’s stopping you–except the fact that you have a sphincter where your mouth should be. There’s no rule that says the group that arranged the women-only screening is required to arrange a men’s screening for you–that’s your job. Get off your flabby, artery-clogged asses and arrange it. Maybe I’ll even buy a ticket. If I’m in town. And I can stand the thought of sitting next to a bunch of emasculated ball-clutchers with half a scrotum among them.
Nah. I wouldn’t be able to. I’ll wait until the movie opens and make my sons go see it with me. Like real men.
–Steven Harper Piziks