This week we had another mysterious case of animal teleportation. Two days earlier we’d noticed that one of our ewes had come back into season – she was over by the fence to the ram’s field, dressed to the nines and baa-ing seductively into Shaun’s ear.
So, we opened the gate and let her through. Two days later we were on our way to bring her out of Shaun’s paddock, when we noticed she wasn’t there. She was back in the main field with the other ewes. But how? There was a one-metre high sheep-proof fence between the fields. The gate was locked and there was no sign of damage along the fenceline. Sheep couldn’t jump it or burrow underneath it. The only time it had been breached – by the redoubtable Black Ewe while being chased – she’d left behind a broken fencepost and a mangled stretch of wire.
The only answer was … teleportation.
Very few people talk openly about animal teleportation. And yet most cat owners experience it daily. You can be sat down of an evening watching television when suddenly you become aware that you have a cat on your lap – sometimes several – but no memory of when the cat arrived. It’s very easy to put this down to inattentiveness. The cat strolled in and climbed onto your lap while your thoughts were elsewhere. But, deep down, you know different. Your cat has powers. And one of them is the ability to teleport onto your lap.
We first became aware of the teleportation power of animals when our first dog, Zaphod – a whippet sized lurcher – teleported from our garden into our deer field. We didn’t see him teleport but … one minute he was in the garden with us, the next he was the other side of a six-foot high fence. Even red deer couldn’t jump that fence. The gates were fenced too. There weren’t any holes or places he could have crawled under. Our first thought was that he’d run at the gable wall and attempted some kind of parkour move to gain height before somersaulting over the adjacent fence.
But deep down we knew.
Anyone else have a teleporting pet?
Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. His novelette, What Ho, Automaton! was a finalist for the 2012 WSFA Small Press Award for short fiction. More information about his other work can be found on his BVC bookshelf .
An Unsafe Pair of Hands – a quirky murder mystery set in rural England charting the descent and rise of a detective on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Which will break first? The case, or DCI Shand?
Medium Dead – a fun urban fantasy chronicling the crime fighting adventures of Brenda – a reluctant medium – and Brian – a Vigilante Demon with an impish sense of humour. Think Stephanie Plum with magic and a dash of Carl Hiaasen.
What Ho, Automaton! – Wodehouse Steampunk. Follow the adventures of Reggie Worcester, consulting detective, and his gentleman’s personal gentle-automaton, Reeves. It’s set in an alternative 1903 where an augmented Queen Victoria is still on the throne and automata are a common sight below stairs. Humour, Mystery, Aunts and Zeppelins!
French Fried – true crime, animals behaving badly and other people’s misfortunes. Imagine A Year in Provence with Miss Marple and Gerald Durrell.
International Kittens of Mystery. If you like a laugh and looking at cute kitten pictures this is the book for you. It’s a glance inside the International Kittens of Mystery – the only organisation on the planet with a plan to deal with a giant ball of wool on a collision course with Earth?