“Just as all American publishers hope that if they are good and lead upright lives, their books will be banned in Boston, so do all English publishers pray that theirs will be denounced from the pulpit by a bishop.” – from Cocktail Time, by P.G. Wodehouse
One of the curses of being a commercial fiction writer is that unless you are already outrageously successful, nobody bothers to ban your books.
This is rather like beginning as a portrait painter. “You see, the catch about portrait painting—I’ve looked into the thing a bit—is that you can’t start painting portraits till people come along and ask you to, and they won’t come and ask you to until you’ve painted a lot first.” (Wodehouse, “The Artistic Career of Corky”)
Here I am, having authored three books about a promiscuous young woman’s adventures in a brass bed inhabited by an incubus, two-going-on-four books about sex demons so lazy that they’re in danger of being thrown out of hell, and any number of “scarlet tales of Men Who Did and Women Who Shouldn’t Have Done But Who Took a Pop At It” (Wodehouse, “Best Seller”). I even committed magical realism of a stripe so racy, I can mention only the title here, and with a blush—Trash Sex Magic.
But does anybody ban my books? Do indignant mothers find one in the library and brandish it with raised voices under the noses of helpful staff at the reference desk? I feel compelled to ask it aloud: What are our televangelists doing with their time? If anyone has bothered to hang me in effigy, assemble a pile of my books, douse the whole with accelerant, and set it ablaze, all I can say is that they have failed to notify the media, which everyone knows is the first step toward making one’s mark on the world, either as an upholder of decency or as an author.
That said, may I point out that should such a program find favor with those persons who desire most to protect us all from smut, impurity, obscenity, bawdry, lewdness, pornography, carnality, lasciviousness, lubricity, debauchery, fornication, harlotry, libertinage, or free love by banning my books, they have only to send me photographs or video of the event, coupled with URLs for their own site, and I will be happy to link back, share their efforts on Facebook, retweet them, and make statements to the press about the moral impact of their attacks upon my character.
May I offer for your outrage and public condemnation my new book, It’s Raining Angels and Demons, now available at Musa Publishing, Amazon, and everywhere fine ebooks are sold.