Book View Curses – Spells R Us

Now that ebay has banned the sale of spells and curses (who knew?) there’s a gap in the market for BVC to step right up and fill.

So if you’re looking for a place to buy those hard-to-get lycanthropy transformation spells (and who isn’t) and you want the tax-deductible kind – look no further. Book View Curses will be opening in September (we’ve used a ‘see the future’ spell so we know it’s true!)

We’ll be offering a full range of ‘off the musty shelf’ and bespoke magical products. If you’re looking for love, revenge, wealth, power or just a large covering of fur, we’ll have just the product for you. And none of them have been tested on animals! Well, not often.

Plagued by Zombies? You need our Zombie Gone package. For only $124.99 we’ll surround your house with salt and hydrogenated brain extract. It’s the humane way to get rid of Zombies. And less mess.

Need a good curse? All our curses now have added boils! Locust plagues a speciality! And watch out you first-born – we know where you live.

We’ll also be selling astral projection insurance. It’s too easy to project yourself into the path of moving traffic and most car insurers refuse to pay out on claims where the victim was only partially there.

So what spells, curses or magical products would you like to see?


Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. More information about his other work can be found on his BVC bookshelf .
An Unsafe Pair of Handsa quirky murder mystery set in rural England charting the descent and rise of a detective on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Which will break first? The case, or DCI Shand?
Medium Dead – a fun urban fantasy chronicling the crime fighting adventures of Brenda – a reluctant medium – and Brian – a Vigilante Demon with an impish sense of humour. Think Stephanie Plum with magic and a dash of Carl Hiaasen.
What Ho, Automaton! – Wodehouse Steampunk. Follow the adventures of Reggie Worcester, consulting detective, and his gentleman’s personal gentle-automaton, Reeves. It’s set in an alternative 1903 where an augmented Queen Victoria is still on the throne and automata are a common sight below stairs. Humour, Mystery, Aunts and Zeppelins!
French Fried true crime, animals behaving badly and other people’s misfortunes. Imagine A Year in Provence with Miss Marple and Gerald Durrell.
International Kittens of Mystery. If you like a laugh and looking at cute kitten pictures this is the book for you. It’s a glance inside the International Kittens of Mystery – the only organisation on the planet with a plan to deal with a giant ball of wool on a collision course with Earth.

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Comments

Book View Curses – Spells R Us — 7 Comments

  1. How about something to block all the political analysis news reports between now and the US presidential election? I don’t think I can take another three months of this.

  2. How about an aphasia spell on all politicians and pundits making their broadcasts so ridiculous they’re taken off the air and moved to Youtube?

    • That sounds good. I’m willing to listen to news reports about war and genocide, but I can’t take much more analysis of whether someone made the right strategic call in deciding to support x, y, or z.

      While you’re at it, can you come up with something that will block Fox News, at least if I’m in the same room with a TV turned to it? Though maybe that’s more of a task for the BVC techies than the curse developers.

  3. Personally I’d like one for my phone line that automatically connects any political caller, pollster, charity solicitor, and especially anyone violating the do-not-call list to the phone line of someone else who does the same thing, so they can talk to each other.