Well, I have spent the past two hours hunting through the internet’s weirdest news looking for inspiration for this week’s blog post and…
This must have been a sensible week. Ok, there are the usual crop of dumb criminals but their dumbness is decidedly pedestrian. Drug addicts shooting up outside the police station, drunks having shootouts with invisible Croatians…
I like the Croatian angle but being dumb while drunk or drugged doesn’t get you into the Hall of Dumb Fame. Where are the differently-wired criminals of the past? The burglar who chooses a night after a day of snow to walk round the block from his house and break into a neighbour’s house – and leaves a trail of footprints in the virgin snow all the way from the broken window back to his house. Or, my favourite, the inept burglar who cut himself badly on broken glass by falling over during a botched robbery at a shop. He then ran off leaving a trail of blood. A police officer followed the blood trail to an underpass where he saw a suspicious blood-spattered individual with his hands in his pockets whistling. The whistling is what makes the story. Here is a mind that thinks, ‘if I whistle everyone will think I’m innocent.’ Because, as we all know, only people with nothing to hide can whistle. Whistling indicates a carefree, nothing-to-hide state of mind.
As the judge said when handing down the prison sentence, ‘You are not cut out for a life of crime.’
So with a dearth of weird news, what else could I post but a link to a hoard of cat pictures. Here are fifty pictures of cats finding the most awkward and photogenic sleeping positions. Enjoy.
Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. More information about his other work can be found on his BVC bookshelf .
An Unsafe Pair of Hands – a quirky murder mystery set in rural England charting the descent and rise of a detective on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Which will break first? The case, or DCI Shand?
Medium Dead – a fun urban fantasy chronicling the crime fighting adventures of Brenda – a reluctant medium – and Brian – a Vigilante Demon with an impish sense of humour. Think Stephanie Plum with magic and a dash of Carl Hiaasen.
What Ho, Automaton! – Wodehouse Steampunk. Follow the adventures of Reggie Worcester, consulting detective, and his gentleman’s personal gentle-automaton, Reeves. It’s set in an alternative 1903 where an augmented Queen Victoria is still on the throne and automata are a common sight below stairs. Humour, Mystery, Aunts and Zeppelins!
French Fried – true crime, animals behaving badly and other people’s misfortunes. Imagine A Year in Provence with Miss Marple and Gerald Durrell.
International Kittens of Mystery. If you like a laugh and looking at cute kitten pictures this is the book for you. It’s a glance inside the International Kittens of Mystery – the only organisation on the planet with a plan to deal with a giant ball of wool on a collision course with Earth.