Book Review Kit — Just Add Adjectives and Mix!

Have you noticed how alike many book reviews are? Aside from recapitulations of the plot, the same words might apply to almost any book. Therefore, as a service to discerning readers (and a hoot and a holler, besides), Book View Café presents the newest innovation in book reviews. Design your own inimitable personalized reviews using this cutting-edge technique!

First, you will need to assemble a number of words. The exact order doesn’t matter, so long as you match nouns with nouns, adjectives with adjectives, and so forth. By mixing up the order, you can create even more variations, so you can use the same basic review for almost any book!

First, select words from the following lists (or make up your own). It’s best not to peek at the review itself until you have them written down so you can’t change your mind.

A. Adjectives (select 3)
intriguing
thrilling
fascinating
enthralling
evocative
heart-warming
sensitive
suspenseful

B. Adjectives (select 2)
heroic
sympathetic
transcendent
exotic
post-apocalyptic
memorable
powerful
gut-wrenching

C. Adjectives (select 3)
flesh-eating
magical
disturbing
fully-rounded
romantic
reincarnated
clever
doomed

You’ll also need:
2 words which are the name of a genre (like fantasy or horror)
an adverb
2 plural nouns (like cats or galaxies)
2 verbs
an adjective describing action (like frantic or slow)
an adjective describing a historical period (like Colonial or prehistoric)
a type of character (like villain or sidekick)
6 nouns of your choice

Got them ready? Okay, insert them in the appropriate slots and let’s go! You may have to change a to an, but don’t let that slow you down. Remember, you can mix and match to use your book review for just about any occasion!

My Book Review

This is a (A) and (B) (name of genre) novel, and the (A) story line enhances the (adverb) tale. From the onset, fans will welcome the (plural noun) as each character struggles to (verb) the (noun) of the (C) (plural noun). The characters are then caught up in a (adjective describing action) (noun) to (verb) the world. The author makes the setting seem as if it comes from (adjective describing historical period) books rather than her imagination. The cast of characters is (C), especially the (type of character). However, it is the (noun) and the (noun) that spellbind the audience as no one knows the (A) secret of the (C) (noun). Loaded with (noun), fans will not want to put down this (B) (genre) novel.

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Comments

Book Review Kit — Just Add Adjectives and Mix! — 13 Comments

  1. I’m pretty dreadful at reviews, so I thought I’d try it out. There is one unexpectedly fault in the basic formula, but otherwise…

    This is an intriguing and transcendent novel, and the evocative story line enhances the surprisingly tale. From the onset, fans will welcome the immortals as each character struggles to implode the crystal of the doomed cities. The characters are then caught up in a relentless tower to boggle the world. The author makes the setting seem as if it comes from mediaeval books rather than her imagination. The cast of characters is romantic, especially the mystical mentor. However, it is the sword and the blaster that spellbind the audience as no one knows the suspenseful secret of the flesh-eating satellite. Loaded with lentil, fans will not want to put down this post-apocalyptic mystery novel.

    …works for me! An excellent after-daal adventure!

    • I had to lie down afterwards and keep repeating to myself, “I must not try to write this big dog. I must not…!”

      This is an evil kit, and great woe will come to the world because of it.

  2. They need to add sports verbs. Readers will be more interested in books that SMASH and CRASH and KILL and TERMINATE…won’t they? 🙂

  3. Foxessa, you are clearly far too thoughtful and articulate to be a generic book reviewer!

    BTW, I constructed the review and the lists from actual book reviews (on Amazon).

  4. But this is just for positive reviews! There must be an alternative set of words for reviews that just aren’t glowing: turgid, over-wrought, derivative, juvenile, self-referential…

  5. I think I have used maybe…two?…of these words when I write a review?

    But not flesh-eating satellites.

    (This is probably a good thing.)

    I have this sudden urge to use your kit under a pseudonym, exploring the transcendent and gut-wrenching highs and lows of reviewing!