America’s Next Top Kitten Idol of Mystery!

I expect many of you have heard of the International Kittens of Mystery and the sterling work they do protecting the planet from gangs of rogue squirrels and asteroid-sized balls of wool.

Well… it appears that next year’s trainee intake will include a kitten chosen jointly by a panel of judges and a public vote. America’s Next Top Kitten Idol of Mystery ™ will be aired on the Tabby Channel for eight weeks starting in November.

The chief judge will be Simon Cowell’s cat, Surly. The three other judges haven’t been named yet but are rumoured to include 24’s Jack Miaower, Kitty Purry and Q’s cat – Licensed to Purr. As for the contestants, one kitten that will not be featuring is Fluffy, the late President of Nigeria’s favourite kitten, whose email campaign to solicit extra votes in return for tuna, was judged to be spam.

The series is co-sponsored by Homeland Security and Top Kat – makers of the delicious vole and mouse terrine (containing only free range mice and voles for extra purry goodness)

Each week contestants will have to prove their derring-do and mastery of the litter tray. Will they remember that litter should be shaken not stirred? Find out next week.

* The kittens above are two brothers – about 8 weeks old – that were rescued this week and have taken up residence in our bathroom. Today the bathroom, tomorrow the world.


Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. More information about his other work can be found on his BVC bookshelf

Out Now!
An Unsafe Pair of Handsa quirky murder mystery set in rural England charting the descent and rise of a detective on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Which will break first? The case, or DCI Shand?
Medium Dead – a fun urban fantasy chronicling the crime fighting adventures of Brenda – a reluctant medium – and Brian – a Vigilante Demon with an impish sense of humour. Think Stephanie Plum with magic and a dash of Carl Hiaasen.
What Ho, Automaton! – Wodehouse Steampunk. Follow the adventures of Reggie Worcester, consulting detective, and his gentleman’s personal gentle-automaton, Reeves. It’s set in an alternative 1903 where an augmented Queen Victoria is still on the throne and automata are a common sight below stairs. Humour, Mystery, Aunts and Zeppelins!
French Fried true crime, animals behaving badly and other people’s misfortunes. Imagine A Year in Provence with Miss Marple and Gerald Durrell.
International Kittens of Mystery. If you like a laugh and looking at cute kitten pictures this is the book for you. It’s a glance inside the International Kittens of Mystery – the only organisation on the planet with a plan to deal with a giant ball of wool on a collision course with Earth.

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