Ways to Trash Your Writing Career: Cop a ‘Tude

Really want to attract the notice of agents and editors, and make sure they’ll put you on their Do Not Fly list?

Start a blog for all your rejections. Post each one in full, with names, addresses, and phone numbers. Only redact the specifics of your submissions (title, plot details, and the like).

Then–and this is crucial–once you’ve posted a rejection, make an unmistakable and ongoing point of trashing the person who wrote the rejection. Make detailed and preferably profane reference to their ignorance, stupidity, and malice in rejecting your heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Attribute only negative motives to all form rejections. The agent doesn’t represent your genre? Slam him good and hard. Because if he were worth anything, he wouldn’t be that way.

Personal rejections (particularly after requests for partials) should present occasion for especially concentrated doses of vitriol. And when commenters point out, gently, that agents talk to each other, and they search on authors’ names and read the blogs that they find, make sure to trash them, too. Trash them all. Laugh with abandoned glee.

Because after all, you are a heartbreaking, staggering genius. Several hundred agents can’t see that? Idiots. It’s not as if, once you do finally find the one in all the madding crowd who falls before you and worships you, you still have to deal with rejections from editors, or revision letters from same, or negative reviews, or fan letters that aren’t so much with the fan. Because you are heartbreaking. And staggering. And genius. And someday the world will know it. And you. Will. Rule.

You may never be published, mind. But you’ll rule.

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Ways to Trash Your Writing Career: Cop a ‘Tude — 3 Comments

  1. Judith, what a great post. Unfortunately, the people who need to learn this probably won’t read the blog or if they do, they will think the caution applies to someone else.

  2. oh my! did someone really DO that??? what a CRAZY person! i don’t understand people like that at all. perhaps they have never heard the phrase: ‘DONT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!’

    silly people.

  3. Oh sure. And it is not confined to people who are new. There are writers who, having Become Somebody, feel that they now no longer have to be edited, be nice, meet deadlines, return calls, etc. Their Inner Asshole comes to the fore.
    Today Paul McCartney is going to dine at the White House. You know why Sir Paul is universally liked? It’s not because he’s a Beatle (or, not JUST because he’s a Beatle). It’s because in spite of his Beatleness he is still a nice guy.