First Contact Negotiations Go Horribly Wrong!

I’ve been sorting through my Kittens’ Guide blog posts this week with a view to publishing them. I love the stories and I’d like to put them out as an eBook but I think I’m going to have to wait until all the popular eReaders start handling colour pictures. When your cast list includes seven of the cutest kittens the world has ever seen, and five of them are bright orange, you need colour to do them justice.

But, in the meantime, here’s an extract – with pictures.

Kai the drenched kitten looks up in horror as the alien death ray device (aka the hair drier) looms in from above. Xena can’t look – she has to hide her head in her paws.

Why? Well, it all started last week when Xena commenced First Contact talks with large woolly aliens from the planet Sheep.

At first the talks went well – as can be seen on the left. Xena listens intently to the woolly delegate.

The talks go so well that, back on planet Kitten, there is dancing in the streets. Mouse tariffs will be lowered and kibbles will be free. Yay!

But then a gang of young, over-enthusiastic woollies with protectionist leanings (aka baa-aad lambs) get wind of the secret negotiations. They overhear what’s being said and…

…gatecrash the meeting – at speed – sending the Kitten delegation racing for the nearest tree. It’s a large tree. Kai is the black shape in the lower circle and Xena is the camouflaged kitten in the tree’s troposphere. A large woolly alien looks on from below.


And, finally, an explanation of the first picture. Coming back from the negotiations Kai decided to celebrate his tree-climbing prowess by tucking into the specially prepared meal he found on top of the fridge. Unfortunately the sustenance found was neither specially prepared nor a meal. It was chicken fat cooling off in a foil container before being thrown out.

Kai, a kitten of the messy eater persuasion, managed to coat his chest, stomach and front legs in gooey fat. First contact with the shower spray swiftly ensued – in which there was much struggling, much clawing, some spilt blood (all of it ours) and much water. Ten minutes with the hair drier restored Kai and his fur to his previous lustrous – and very dry – state.

It’s a hard life as an International Kitten of Mystery.

Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. His novel – Resonance (Baen) – can be downloaded for free here. More information about his other work can be found on his  BVC bookshelf .

Just released from Book View Press:  Magical Crimes – a fun CSI with Magic and … ‘a little something else’ story.

Also available from Amazon and Smashwords.




First Contact Negotiations Go Horribly Wrong! — 3 Comments

  1. I encourage you to publish it if you can find an e-publisher that handles color. The world needs all it can get of anything regarding lower mouse tariffs and roving gangs of overenthusiastic lambs!