The Late President of Nigeria’s Favourite Kitten

What better way to welcome 2010 than to hand my first Saturday slot over to Fluffy.   

We often forget the great hardship that the pets of heads of state face when their masters are shown the door or have their heads placed on a spike above the palace gates.

Please help Fluffy.

How can anyone resist an email that begins, “I am Fluffy, the favourite kitten of the late president of Nigeria…

Fluffy
Lagos Cat Pound,
Nigeria

Dear Friend,

I am Fluffy, the favourite kitten of the late president of Nigeria. As you know my late master was very very rich man and he left me all his tuna. But, as kitten, I not allowed to have fridge of my own.

My good friend, there are many many fishes and without more fridges tuna go bad. I eat as many as I can but I small kitten and much sick. So I write you, my very good friend, as your name well known in Nigeria as godly person with many fridges.

If you help store my tuna I give you 20% (TWENTY AMERICAN PER CENTS) of each fish – including heads.

Please be writing back soon. Weather hot and there are many bad cats looking with the evil eyes at my fishes.

Your good friend,

Fluffy


Chris Dolley is an English author living in France with a frightening number of animals. His novel – Resonance (Baen) – can be downloaded for free here. More information about his other work can be found on his  BVC bookshelf .

Coming soon from Book View Press:  Magical Crimes – a fun CSI with Magic and … ‘a little something else’ story.

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The Late President of Nigeria’s Favourite Kitten — 3 Comments

  1. Oh, poor kitty! Are you stuck in the pound? Do you need any money? Just send me your name, bank records, and whatever they use for social security numbers in your fine country and I will send you a cashiers check for twice as much as you need, and the name of my compatriot who will come and relieve you of the rest of the cash and go and buy you your very own refriginator.

    In catly solidarity,

    I remain,

    Your Fniend,

    FluffIII

  2. Hmm. I bet there’s more money in writing spam solicitation letters than there is in writing regular fiction. Especially if it incorporates kittens. You two are set for new careers.

  3. But what about The Dog! Poor Fidelius, starving because his bones have been impounded by the harsh laws of a once-dog-loving nation? Pity poor Fideaux! Let him send you his gilded Milk Bone collection…