2009 Bram Stoker Awards – Burbank, CA

For somebody who wanted to sleep in and write all weekend, I had a fantastic time at this year’s Bram Stoker Awards in Burbank. Everytime I feel like giving up my membership card in the “community,” often for very insignificant or little reason (I’m introverted and a little anti-social – betcha wouldn’t guess that!), something happens that makes me feel great about being the twisted, loopy, unconventional individual that I am.

Like . . . John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow . . .

JohnSkipp&CodyGoodfellow Who wouldn’t want to associate continuously with these guys? (Lumpy the Turd Boy, maybe?)

Another funny thing about this picture is that the bombed-out wasteland that was the Burbank Marriott has been remodeled, and that particular view is probably the only one that might make it look like they were posing in some attractive mountain area, rather than across the street from Bob Hope Airport and the brand-new Del Taco.

So, here are the results of the 2009 Bram Stoker Awards, thanks to Ian Strock, courtesy of Scott Edelman (picture below, advertising something really important).

Next year, the World Horror Convention (not the same as the Stoker Awards, which are presented by the Horror Writers of America) is being held in Brighton, England, and will also host the Stoker Awards.

Therefore, it’s only fair and fitting to introduce some foodstuffs of Brighton to the American audience (60% of this blog’s readers are international – but those of you tuning in from outside the UK – you know who you are).Walkerscrisphorrors

Yes, that’s right. Man-Go Karting Chutney, Builder’s Breakfast, and MARMITE Crisps. Yes, you read that right – MARMITE Crisps.

Yes, I ate some from all three bags. I can report reliably that the Marmite Crisps taste like a dead mouse with a little bit of worcestershire sauce, or maybe A-1. Builder’s Breakfast is unspeakable. However, not to everyone, as it won the Walker’s national taste test!

As Cody said, this is just a reminder that next year, everyone should pack their own food.

Scottedelmanendorsesmarmitecrisps Scott Edelman was fooled by no taste tests, however. He endorses the pure, refined, dead rodent flavour of Marmite Crisps. Yum!

(Scott gets better-looking every day, doesn’t he? I am glad he humours such old haglets as myself. Now that I’m in the UK mode of spelling and grammar, I see no reason to stop short to-day.)

I am sorry to see that we missed other flavours at the party hosted by the Brighton WHC bid, such as “Prawn Cocktail,” “Pickled Onion,” “Roast Chicken,” and “Mango Chilli” (baked).

I am honestly tempted to go to Brighton – not for the food, I don’t think. But also, I have another bid city for a future WHC. I gather by talking with Mr. Andersen Prunty that Dayton, Ohio, would be an ideal location for anything horror-related. I understand that there are even ready-made decorations in Mr. Prunty’s neighborhood, that are thoughtfully left up year-round for viewing enjoyment.

Andersenpruntyterrifyingpeople

Even though I barely qualify for HWA membership, with having to wrack my brain for 5-6 stories that could be called “dark fiction” or “dark fantasy,” I have some experience in judging horror writers.

Here is Andersen.

One might think that a more clear-cut case of terror/horror such as Weston Ochse would be the more frightening. One might think that.

But I couldn’t possibly comment.

Balakakamrsucky

As the “creatrix” of Mr. Sucky (aka Balak), I have some idea of where the bizarro fiction individuals are coming from.

Plus, I grew up in Hollywood and Redlands. QED.

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