20) Whiskey makes you stupid.
21) Beer makes you stupid.
22) Women named for flowers and regions make you stupid, especially if they dance where there is whiskey and beer.
23) It is always safer to just stay the hell out of bars.
24) The ship is going to sink.
25) The dog is going to die.
26) There is no job so sucky you can’t sing about it.
Corallary: The better the song, the suckier the job.
27) Whales will kill you.
28) Trees will kill you.
29) Mills will kill you.
30) Steam engines of any variety will kill you.
31) The boss hates you and is trying to kill you.
32) Cowboying is a magnificent profession engaged in by clean, strong, independent, admirable men in the awe-inspiring American landscape.
33) Cowboys do not write their own folk songs.
34) The road to freedom is paved with a wide variety of strange metaphors.
35) An amazing number of people woke up this morning.