Speaking of banned books, did you ever wonder what editors delete from a story before you even get hold of the book? Here’s the first of three scenes that got cut from It’s Raining Men. I wrote ‘em for worldbuilding purposes–to give the reader a sense of what happens to a giant pyramidal corporate hierarchy when it gets, well, too big.
But you already knew that, dear reader.
Here you go. A bootleg digest from HellCEOs@yahoogroups.com:
Welcome to HellCEOs@yahoogroups.com, a meeting space exclusively for devils, demons, efrits, and other supreme denizens of underworlds, solely for those religions that can boast 10,000 living worshippers or more. If you know someone who would benefit from membership in this group, contact the moderator in the form below and enter their qualifications.
We’re sorry, but we can no longer consider new members without at least 10,000 or more living worshippers. There are simply too many wannabes, small-timers, and Internet kooks out there for us to waste our time. Remember, if your cult has schismed off of a major world religion, you cannot add a “silent minority” percentage of disgruntled mainstreamers to bulk up your numbers. Please. Pay your dues, then email us.
<BigGuy@gmail.com> I’ve noticed an uptick in love goddesses trying to get on this board. WTF?
<Eblis@att.net.net> To be fair, those goddesses are being proposed by existing members. It’s not like they’re knocking on the door themselves.
<BigGuy@gmail.com> Who gives a fuck? We all know who is proposing them. I don’t care what anybody says, affirmative action was not my idea and we do not need it here.
<KaliDurga@hindihell.com> If you guys would quit smoking your own poles for five minutes you would realize the advantages to adding these ladies to our group. Some of us do not have our heads stuck in the sand. Their numbers are going up, ours are going down. They’re working. We’re sitting here on our positions, whining about the good old days, and trying to figure out how to keep people OUT of a club that only weirdos want to get into any more.
<Eblis@att.net.net> I did not say we don’t want more females in this group. I said that their qualifications have to meet the same degree of rigor we apply to everybody else.
<firstname.lastname@example.org> There was a time when one had to have half a million living worshippers to get into HellCEOs.
<BigGuy@gmail.com> You would have flunked that test, Hades.
<email@example.com> I passed it a thousand years before you existed, BigGuy.
<BigGuy@gmail.com> This isn’t the Girl Scouts.
<KaliDurga@hindihell.com> Fuck you, too, Satan. Loser.
Aaand the sequel, It’s Raining Angels and Demons, is now available at Musa Publishing, Amazon, and other major ebook outlets.
More of Jennifer Stevenson’s ebooks may be found at the BVC Ebookstore.